Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
