the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
