I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
