Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
