Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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