How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
