I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
