$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
