Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
