Sober January is a disaster.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
