i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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