eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
