If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
