I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
