We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
