There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
