my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Alive.
So much puke
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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