I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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