so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
