Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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