I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
