I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
