wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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