he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it was like eating out sand paper
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
