You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
