shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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