That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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