how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
