yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
