no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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