Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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