okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
