Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
