yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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