You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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