wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
