I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
