Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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