I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
