Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
