Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
