I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
