$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
