So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
