The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
