I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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