i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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