he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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