Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the day after is always just damage control
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
