i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
