Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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